Today I got up at a decent time, took a box of cereal to work, and did the whole Carpe Diem thing. Also, I showered and shaved.
Today I can focus, so far at least. A strange contrast from the past weeks, and days. There is far less wondering in my mind, less worry, less distracting thought. It is still there, but, I feel the oncoming approach of a return to sanity, if ever I was there, and wonder what that will look like. I can't remember the last time I had so much, peace.
Slowly I am being taught, and learning, to quit striving; to quit trying so hard to do so much on my own; to actually trust. To actually believe that not only am I not in control, but it's for the best that I am not.
It seems that as I progress in this, walk, instead of my expectation that parts of my future would become clear, or defined, they are becoming open. It nears an odd feeling similar to apathy, but more closely tied to surrender. Surrender with a smile. It's not that I don't care, it's simply that I don't know, and not knowing no longer kills me; well, almost, we're getting there.
Dinner->Gym->?
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